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How to Go from Rescuing to Helping and Why It Matters
By Barb Nangle When I first got into recovery, I started to realize there was a continuum of helpfulness, where one end was dysfunctional and the other was functional. Those two extremes of the continuum were easy for me to see, but I was lost when it came to where you cross the line in the middle. Where do you cross the line from helping to rescuing? I learned that crossing the line had to do with my motives. It wasn’t about my behavior, necessarily, but about why I was doing it. Someone suggested that I was being helpful so people would think I was helpful. I rejected that at first, but then realized – wait, it was actually true! I was helping to be helpful, for sure, but much of the time I was also being helpful because I didn’t want people think badly of me. This was news to me! When we do something for the purpose of getting people to think certain things of us (like that we’re helpful, generous, or “nice,” which is what I used to think was my motivation – I was “nice”) that’s a called manipulation. When I came to understand that I was being manipulative, I was aghast! “OMG, I’m a horrible person! I manipulate people!” I eventually realized that this was a pattern developed in childhood that served me back then, but was no longer serving me as an adult. I was being inauthentic with others. And I was being dishonest as well. I want to be a woman of integrity, so this behavior had to change. When I said yes to volunteering for things I didn’t really have the bandwidth for, that was dishonest. When I said no to things I really wanted to do because I didn’t want to disappoint others, that was dishonest. Once I became aware of these patterns, I held myself accountable for it. Now, when I have the impulse to help, I ask myself, “Do I really want to do this?” If the answer is yes, then I ask myself why. If my motives are pure, then I go ahead and do it. If the answer is no, I don’t do it. If you want more energy in your life, stop trying to rescue, fix, and save people. That’s draining. Helpfulness is not draining. That’s another clue to figure out if you’re being helpful and kind or manipulative and rescuing – do I get drained from providing help? Or energized? Another clue is to ask yourself if the other person is meeting you at least halfway. If you’re more invested in their lives than they are, it’s a rescue mission! And rescuing is about you, it’s not about them. You’re trying to make yourself feel better, either by projecting an image of yourself, or you’re trying to keep the focus off yourself and your own problems. With this practice, my life is better. I now have my own back and follow through for myself on things I really want to do, and say no to things I don’t. |
Processing a Difficult Situation
By Ebony Langston, Licensed Professional Counselor I'm inspired to write about inconveniences I experienced following a recent car accident that led to my car being totaled. My car was paid off and I had no intention of buying a new one, but the universe had other plans. Following the accident, I thought to myself “well this is inconvenient.” I’m pulled over on the side of the highway, I have to find a ride home, and I’m supposed to work both jobs tomorrow. This is going to be hard! Once I got home, I reflected and thought about the positives of the situation:
To the single mothers who are managing so many events at once, I know it’s difficult when things don’t go as planned, but remember to breathe, give yourself some grace, and continue doing the best you can. |
Back to School! Tips to get the year off to a good start
By Mindi Englart As the back-to-school season approaches, many single mothers find themselves juggling a multitude of responsibilities. Balancing work, household chores, and the added pressures of preparing children for a new school year can be daunting. However, with careful planning and a few strategic tips, this transition can be smoother and less stressful.
1. Create a Schedule and Stick to It One of the most effective ways to manage back-to-school chaos is by establishing a routine. Start by mapping out a daily schedule that includes wake-up times, meal times, homework sessions, and bedtime. Consistency is key. A well-structured routine helps children understand what to expect each day, which can reduce anxiety and improve their focus. Use tools like planners, calendars, or apps to keep track of important dates and deadlines. 2. Budget for School Expenses School supplies, uniforms, and extracurricular activities can quickly add up. Create a budget specifically for back-to-school expenses. Look for sales and take advantage of tax-free weekends if available in your area. Consider buying in bulk or joining a school supply swap with other parents. Don’t hesitate to seek assistance from local charities or school programs designed to help single parents with financial burdens. 3. Involve Your Child in the Preparation Process Involving your child in the back-to-school preparations can make them feel more invested in the process. Take them shopping for supplies and let them choose their backpacks, lunch boxes, and other essentials. Discuss their goals for the new school year and any concerns they might have. This can help alleviate their fears and build excitement about returning to school. 4. Communicate with Teachers and School Staff Establishing a good relationship with your child's teachers and school staff is crucial. Attend orientation sessions, meet-the-teacher nights, and parent-teacher conferences. Inform them of any specific needs or concerns regarding your child. Clear communication can ensure that your child receives the support they need and that you stay informed about their progress and any upcoming events. 5. Organize a Homework Station Create a designated homework station that is quiet, well-lit, and free from distractions. Stock it with necessary supplies like pencils, paper, and a computer if needed. Establish a regular homework routine and be available to assist with difficult assignments. A dedicated space and time for homework can help children develop good study habits and stay on top of their assignments. 6. Plan Healthy Meals and Snacks Good nutrition is essential for academic success. Plan and prepare healthy meals and snacks that are easy to grab on busy mornings and after school. Involve your child in meal planning and preparation to teach them about healthy eating habits. Consider batch cooking on weekends to save time during the week. 7. Focus on Emotional Well-being Back-to-school season can be emotionally challenging for children. Keep an open line of communication and encourage your child to express their feelings. Look for signs of stress or anxiety, such as changes in behavior or sleep patterns. If needed, seek support from school counselors or external professionals to help your child navigate their emotions. 8. Build a Support Network Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or other single mothers for support. Carpooling, sharing babysitting duties, or simply having someone to talk to can make a significant difference. Join local parenting groups or online communities to connect with others who understand your challenges and can offer advice and encouragement. While the back-to-school season can be overwhelming for single mothers, careful planning and a supportive approach can make it a positive experience for both you and your child. By establishing routines, budgeting wisely, and focusing on emotional well-being, you can set the stage for a successful and stress-free school year. Remember, you are not alone, and there are resources and communities ready to support you every step of the way. |
ISSUE #3: May through July 2024
The Power of Building a Support Squad
Having a team isn't just for the tough times By Magdaliz Gonzalez Let's talk about something that’s as essential as your morning coffee: having your mom squad by your side. Whether you're flying solo or navigating co-parenting waters, having a support community around you is like having a secret weapon in your arsenal. It's not just for the tough times—it's also for celebrating those victories, big and small, that make motherhood the incredible journey it is. Weathering the Storms TogetherLife as a single mom can throw some pretty wild curveballs your way. From unexpected car troubles to late-night fever spikes, there are moments when you wish you had a team of superheroes to swoop in and save the day. Well, guess what? Your mom's squad is exactly that. When the going gets tough, having a support network of fellow single moms who've been there, done that, and probably have the stained t-shirt to prove it, can make all the difference. They're the ones who'll drop off a home-cooked meal when you're too exhausted to even think about cooking. They'll offer a shoulder to cry on when the overwhelm hits, and they'll remind you that you're stronger than you think, even on those days when you feel like you're barely holding it together. Celebrating Victories, Big and Small But here's the thing—your mom squad isn't just there for the hard times. They're also your biggest cheerleaders when it comes to celebrating victories, no matter how small they may seem. From mastering the art of potty training to acing that job interview, your mom squad is there to pop the virtual champagne and do a happy dance right alongside you. Because let's face it, being a single mom is no easy feat. Every milestone reached, and every obstacle overcome deserves to be celebrated. And who better to share those moments with than the women who've been there through the tears, the laughter, and everything in between? Building Your Mom Squad So how do you go about building your mom's squad? It's simple, really. Start by reaching out to other single moms in your community—whether it's through local parenting groups, FB groups, Peanut App, Nextdoor, Meetup, or even just striking up a conversation at the park. You'll be amazed at how quickly bonds can form when you realize you're not alone in this crazy journey called motherhood. And don't be afraid to lean on your existing support network—friends, family members, neighbors—whoever you can count on to lend a helping hand or a listening ear when you need it most. Building Your Emergency Team Now, let's talk about being proactive and having your emergency team on speed dial. Life is unpredictable, and having a list of trusted professionals or reliable individuals you can turn to in times of need is like having a safety net to catch you when things go awry. Whether it's a burst pipe flooding your kitchen, a sudden fever sending your little one into a frenzy, or a last-minute work meeting popping up when your babysitter cancels, having a roster of trusted businesses and individuals to call upon can save you time, stress, and sanity. You've Got This Life as a single mom is like a rollercoaster ride—full of ups, downs, twists, and turns. But with your mom squad by your side and your emergency team at the ready, you can navigate every twist and turn with confidence and peace of mind. Whether you're celebrating a victory or weathering a storm, know that you're never alone in this journey of motherhood. You've got this. |
What Enabling Is and How to Stop Supporting People's Addiction and Dysfunction
By Barb Nangle What is “enabling” exactly? Well, it’s when we make life easier for people who are highly dysfunctional. We do this by preventing them from reaping the consequences of their behavior. That is, we “buffer” them from the negative shit that would happen if we weren’t stepping in to block it. When we do this with addicts, we’re essentially supporting their addictive and dysfunctional behavior. But it’s not always addicts we enable. My enabling story is that I often enabled my partners to engage in really serious drinking and drugging by making their lives a lot easier when they did so. I cleaned up messes (literally and figuratively), I drove them around, I lied and made excuses for them. I bought drugs and liquor for them. But the most egregious enabling I ever did was what caused me to hit my codependent bottom. And that was with my friend Dan, the homeless man I befriended through church in the fall of 2014. I invited him to stay at my home one night during a snowstorm and that eventually led to him practically living with me. I was enabling him to not reap the consequences of his homelessness. He got:
Perhaps you have an alcoholic in your life and you clean them up and get them into bed when they’ve vomited and passed out so they wake up clean in a warm bed. That’s enabling. Or maybe you’re a parent of a teen who says at 8:30 on a school night, “I have a paper due tomorrow” and you get to work with them on researching and typing the paper, that’s enabling. If they’ve waited until the last minute to work on the paper, they’re the one who should be either getting a 0 and/or staying up all night working on the paper, not you. If you rescue them, they don’t receive the natural consequences of their behavior. You’ve also exhausted yourself and taught them to be dependent on others. And that they don’t have to face negative consequences because mom or dad will do that for them. This doesn’t prepare them well for life. So how do we stop enabling? First, commit to no longer working harder on others’ life than they do. You’ll have to learn to keep the focus on yourself to accomplish this. This is extremely hard to do when you’ve been outwardly focused your entire life. Fortunately, I’ve been through this and have written an article on how to keep the focus on yourself so you can follow my path instead of forging your own. If you’re putting more effort into something for them than they are, it’s a rescue mission and you’re enabling! The ability to stop enabling others rests on you allowing people to have the consequences of their own behavior. The second thing is something that was a game-changer for me in many areas of my life. It’s to act your way into right thinking. In recovery we call this “acting as if.” When we’re changing long-standing behaviors patterns, we can learn to act our way into new thinking. If you’re anything like I was before recovery, thinking isn’t working! We have to take action. Even if you don't believe that you can stop enabling someone, if you just do the new, non-enabling behaviors anyway, eventually your thinking will come along. For example, stop cleaning up people’s messes, stop making excuses for them, stop giving them money. When you “act your way into right thinking” regarding your enabling, you'll start to think about yourself and what you want and need, rather than what the other person wants or needs. You’ll stop supporting their dysfunction and start leading your own life. |
Embracing the Chaos: Finding Joy in the Rollercoaster Ride
By Magdaliz Gonzalez Hey there, Supermoms! Instead of resisting the chaos that comes with being a single mom, let's embrace it. Sure, life may sometimes feel like a whirlwind of spilled milk, forgotten homework, and unexpected tantrums, but guess what? That chaos is where the magic happens! Now, I know it's not always easy to keep a smile on your face when your little ones are running circles around you but trust me, there's beauty in the madness. So, grab a cup of coffee (or a glass of wine, no judgment here!), and let's dive into why embracing the chaos is the ultimate secret to finding joy as a single mom.
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ISSUE #2: February through March 2024
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The Pink Tax: The cost of being a woman
By Athena Brown
Reprinted from her January 26, 2023 article in "The Daily Campus" at UConn The gender wage gap has remained stable in the United States over the past 20 years, with women earning only 82% of their male counterparts earnings for full-time, year-round work as of 2022. Differences in education, skill and experience cannot fully explain such disparities, since women have on average surpassed men in college attainment. Instead, enduring inequalities across society and among certain job categories favor men for raises and promotions, with women (especially women of color) disproportionately represented in lower-paid yet important sectors (e.g., child care, home care) and often disadvantaged for decisions around parenting. Paid leave, while advancing in some states like Connecticut, is brief and limited compared with other advanced countries. In 2015, the pay gap came to nearly $10,500 a year, and $500,000 over a lifetime for average female employees. As if this wasn’t enough, beyond the workplace, women find themselves substantially disadvantaged as consumers. Women are subject to the “pink tax,” a term applied to products and services aimed at women that cost substantially more than the same or similar products for men. This pervasive pricing bias results in women paying more than men for goods and services. From razors and soaps to dry cleaning, everyday items are often priced higher for women. Manufacturers claim a difference in production costs, despite contrary evidence; sometimes the only product difference is color. Razors supply a striking example of the pink tax. Schick Slim Twin ST 2 Disposable Razors for Women Sensitive Skin are $14.29, while the counterpart for men is $12.79, a dollar and a half less. This discrepancy even extends to children’s toys; a pink Radio Flyer scooter sells for twice the price of its red counterpart. Although men’s and women’s products are rarely identical, making precise comparisons difficult, multiple surveys have shown higher prices for women’s products. Consumer Reports found common drugstore purchases, such as shaving cream, deodorant and body wash, “products directed at women — through packaging, description or name — might cost up to 50 percent more than similar products for men.” In 2015, the New York City Department of Consumer Affairs (NYCDCA) examined nearly 400 pairs of products for sale by New York City retailers and determined women’s products were more than twice as likely to be priced higher than men’s products. Specifically, 42% of women’s products had a higher price tag, whereas men’s products had a higher price tag only 18% of the time. Women’s and men’s products were roughly equal 40% of the time. This pink tax stretches across industries and even generations, ranging from children’s bike helmets to senior health care products such as canes, with a 12% price difference. Despite being recognized for decades, the pink tax persists. In 1992, the NYCDCA investigated “price bias against women in the marketplace,” and issued a report concluding that women paid more than men at used car dealers, dry cleaners, laundromats and hair salons. In addition to the pink tax, many women pay a “gender tax” from sales taxes on feminine products. A California Senate study estimated that, in 1994, women alone effectively paid an additional annual tax of $1,351 each. While California took the pioneering step in 1995 by enacting a bill to protect consumers from gender-based price discrimination, data from 2014 and 2015 shows continued violations, and most states — not including Connecticut — still impose sales tax on feminine hygiene products. This taxation adds to the economic challenges women face. Despite some progress, recent measures only begin to ease the burden — which includes the high cost of child care — although early childhood educators, mostly women, are underpaid. Continuing gender-based price disparities–the pink tax–undeniably impose real financial strains on women and their families. While an individual price difference may seem small, the cumulative cost is significant. Policymakers and consumers alike must work to dismantle the pink tax, ensuring an equitable economic landscape for all. Becoming aware of the pink tax can help female consumers navigate the marketplace effectively. With knowledge about pricing disparities, women can make informed decisions, minimizing the economic impact on their households. However, the persistence of the pink tax raises questions about the underlying factors contributing to gender-based price disparities throughout the economy. The issue goes beyond intentional gender discrimination; it reflects patterns and practices embedded in the market. As voters, citizens and consumers — of goods, services and information — together we can address these challenges. Awareness is the first step. |
I offer you a few of my favorite things–stories, songs, and other joyful stuff–to begin the new year.
First, from NPR's Story Corp, a story of a young man with a heart that's nothing short of ginormous, as Elf would say. Amazingly, many years ago one of my newsletter recipients wrote to me to say that he knew this young hero, and the story did not surprise my reader at all. Second, from NPR's "This I believe," a story of love that brings me great joy. Next, Leonard Cohen's HALLELUJAH, sung by 1,500 people in an abandoned generating station in Toronto. This performance is stunningly beautiful and reminds me of the power of human beings joined together in song. What the World Needs Now, sung by the Broadway community, moves me to tears every time. Despite the world's conflicts, LOVE MUST PREVAIL. A Million Dreams, sung by PINK and her daughter, Willow, is a glorious anthem. A million dreams is all it's gonna take. New to me this year, an awesome cover of Everyday People. Everyone from Keb' Mo' to Yoyo Ma contributes to this rendition. Here's to a joy-filled 2024 for ALL of us everyday people. These Boundaries Have the Greatest Impact on You
Bring Less Drama & More Peace Into Your Life By Barb Nangle 
Most people are clear that there are such things as boundaries for self-protection, though they may not call them that. And if they have poor boundaries, they probably also feel that others are “walking all over them.”
What they probably don’t realize is that their poor boundaries mean they’re likely violating other people’s boundaries too – and creating chaos, drama and dysfunction in their own lives. That was definitely true for me. In fact, the types of boundaries I’m writing about today were – by far – THE MOST IMPACTFUL BOUNDARIES I BUILT! Boundaries of self-containment Boundaries of self-containment refers to things you either “contain” or stop doing all together. Lack of this type of boundary creates chaos and drama, or exacerbates the already-existing drama around you. They’re about self-control. Before I get into detail about wtf these boundaries are, I want to share some reasons these have been so impactful in my life. The first reason is that they’re about ME controlling ME (the only person I actually have any control over). I was astonished to learn just how much of the drama and chaos of my life went away when I practiced self containment. There are so many widely-varied boundaries of self containment that they touch every single area of my life. They’re the kinds of things that absolutely no one else can affect; they’re entirely up to me and many of them only affect me and no one else. However, many also affect others. So what am I talking about? What are boundaries of self-containment? Here are some personal examples of things I was doing that I either stopped or “contained” that really only affect me.
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ISSUE #1: December 2023 through January 2024
Who IS a "Single Mom?"
By Mindi Englart Defining the term There are lots of ways to define “single mother.” Broadly speaking, "single mom" typically refers to a woman who is raising a child or children on her own, without the presence or support of a spouse or partner. This can occur due to various circumstances, such as divorce, separation, the death of a spouse, or choosing to parent independently. Single moms often face unique challenges and responsibilities as they navigate the demands of parenting, providing for their families, and managing household and child-rearing responsibilities without a co-parent. I find many definitions of the term “single mother” to be too simplistic. Discussions about family dynamics and responsibilities are often nuanced, and individual experiences can be complex. If someone uses the term "single mom" to describe their situation, it could be an expression of the challenges they face, even if it doesn't align precisely with the traditional definition. At the Single Mothers Discount Card (SMDCard) and One Mom Magazine, we welcome all people who identify as "single mothers," regardless of age, culture, ability, nationality, race, religion, sexual orientation, or socioeconomic status. What this means is that if you identify with single motherhood in any of its myriad forms, you can participate in our community, and you qualify to use the SMDCard to get discounts with our Business Partners. That means, to us, you can be a single mother if your child’s other parent is still involved, if your child is over 18, or if you are an aunt, grandmother, or other female-identifying person in a custodial role of a child. Why are single mothers in need of special attention and support? According to 2019 U.S. Census Bureau, 80 percent of single-parent families are headed by single mothers. The United States has the highest percentage of single family homes in the world. Single mothers (and those that are close to them) know too well the disadvantages that they and their children are at risk for. But others are not as aware. In educating people about the injustices of the current legal system and the financial inequalities inherent in being a woman, we hope to, slowly but surely, make a difference at the policy level. As we know, women currently earn approximately 18% less than men in America and women of color earn even less. In addition, in a divorce, women bear a disproportionate financial burden. The SMDCard is focused on empowering women (in all their diverse representations) because to be a woman is to be in a category of people who historically (and currently) earn less money for their work, have to work harder to rise to positions of power, have more experience of domestic violence, have more societal expectations of caregiving, and experience other inequities compared with men. The reason the SMDCard exists is to help level the playing field (economic and otherwise) for single mothers, and, therefore, their children. Our Goal is to Be Inclusive As founder of the SMDCard, I have been asked the following questions about who qualifies as a single mother (and therefore, who can join). Here are some answers:
There is Power in Numbers Single moms are one of the most diverse, intersectional groups in the world. Within this category, especially as defined in this article, you will find mothers of all backgrounds, races, religions, ages, political affiliations, sexual and gender orientations, sizes, abilities, and more. The more we can recognize the commonalities we share, the more we can each bring our perspectives, strengths, voices, and purchasing power to create a more equitable and welcoming experience of the world, for ourselves and our children. We can reduce stigma and shame and can bond together to find inspiration, even (sometimes especially) where we might not expect it. Just as single mothers vary by circumstance, their needs vary as well. Some may be financially secure, but lack a sense of community and support. Others may need reliable information as they take care of their children (and themselves) at various phases of their lives. Through the SMDCard, One Mom Magazine, and our partnerships with other like-minded groups, we are building a rich, vibrant community dedicated to bettering the world for women and children. We hope you’ll join us. |
Mental Health and the Holidays
By Ebony Langston, Licensed Professional Counselor The holidays can be some of the most joyous times of the winter season. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year! Three holidays that allow us to get together with family/friends, eat, exchange gifts, and be merry! Sometimes there are unexpected surprises, such as visiting with a loved one you haven’t seen in years, meeting a new addition to the family, or attending an engagement party. The holidays can be an exciting time for many, but not all. As much as the holidays can bring joy, they can also be a source of stress and sadness. While there are people with an abundance of family, friends, and support, there are also many with little support and those who simply dread the holidays, whether it’s because of a recent loss of support, distance that has separated loved ones, or a lack of financial stability. It can be difficult to see others enjoying the holiday when we are feeling down. As a mental health professional who has struggled with my own anxiety surrounding the holiday season, I have recognized that I must engage in more self-care during this more vulnerable time of the year. The following tips are ones I have used for myself, as well as for my clients: Recognize, acknowledge, and share feelings & emotions The holidays can make you sad, happy, and irritated at different times and sometimes all at the same time! It is important to express emotions (in a healthy way, of course) and not internalize them, as that can exacerbate negative moods. If a family member or friend is not a source of support, consider some short-term counseling, even if it’s just to get through the holiday season. Keep it Simple Get rid of the idea that you are a bad parent because you can’t get your child that expensive gift! We are all doing our best and it is a time of financial difficulty for many people. Consider establishing a budget for gift giving, making homemade gifts, and/or starting a family gift exchange. Stay Active There is a saying in the mental health world and that’s “move a muscle, change a thought." If you are stuck in a negative thought cycle, try physical activity, and you may be surprised by how much better you feel. Exercise has been proven, through research, to alleviate many symptoms of anxiety/depression. While getting dressed and going to the gym may seem like the last thing you want to do on a cold, winter day, it’s actually exactly the type of activity that can increase the positive chemicals in your brain. If the gym is not an option, consider home workouts or outdoor walks. Practice Kindness and Gratitude Stopping from time to time to think about all the good things in your life is something we should all aim to do. While it is easy to get caught up in the negativity of life, it is important to recognize that there are many positives as well. Try to list at least 3 positives in your life each day, if only for the holiday season. Nothing is too small for your list. If you have a warm place to sleep, running water, and you can see well enough to read this, you've got the start to your list. The golden rule of “treat others how you would like to be treated” is important at all times, but especially during the holiday season. You never know what someone is going through and how much a friendly demeanor can mean for someone who is struggling during the season. Ignore Perfection The stress of not securing that “perfect” tree or having a "perfect" holiday meal can diminish a pleasant holiday mood….if you allow it! Remember, the holiday consists of more than just decorations and presents. Do only what you can and nothing more! Take time to slow down and enjoy the season for what you can accomplish, not what you aren’t able to. If you're not able to stick to previous holiday traditions, spend time creating some fun and comforting new ones. |
Have the Holidays You Want By Setting Boundaries
By Barb Nangle If you're dreading the holidays because you end up doing things you're not really interested in doing, or going places you don't really want go, or exchanging gifts when you don't feel like it - I've got some good news for you! You get to have the kind of holidays YOU want to have! It's OK to ask for what you really want and need during the Holidays, this could mean the type of gift that you want, the amount of time that you want to spend with someone, the amount of alone time or lounging time you have with your family, or certain destinations that you'd like to go to. It's also okay if people get mad at you for setting boundaries during the Holidays. It’s not the end of the world to have someone upset with you - it shows that they heard you! You deserve to enjoy the Holidays just like everyone else does! The sooner you set the boundaries with your friends and family, the sooner you’ll be able to actually enjoy the holiday season!
You don't have to explain yourself if you've changed your holiday traditions. In fact, it’s never your job to convince anyone to understand your boundaries. Choosing to no longer over-explain and justify a boundary is a boundary in itself. If you want to change holiday traditions, you might say something like, “I'm not going to _ this year. I’d like to try something new. it doesn't mean I don't value our old traditions, it means I want to create some new traditions.” It's OK to not go home for the Holidays. You might say, “I'm not gonna make it this year mom. I know you're disappointed, I am too, but it’s just not possible this year.” You don't have to exchange holiday gifts if you don't want to. You could say, “I'm no longer exchanging gifts with friends, just family. What I'd really like is to spend some time with you.” You don't have to talk about subjects that are private or that make you uncomfortable. You might say something like, “I don't discuss that with other people” or “I'm uncomfortable with this conversation, let's change the subject.” If you know you want to set one or more of these boundaries for the holidays, I recommend you do it today! It’s respectful of the others with whom you’re changing plans, and it gives you peace of mind that it’s over with (and that you’re not going to do things you don’t want to do!). |
Navigating the Journey:
Empowering Tips for Single Moms By Jamine Ackert Being a single mom is undoubtedly one of the most rewarding yet challenging roles a woman can take on. Juggling the responsibilities of parenthood, work, and personal well-being requires resilience and a strategic approach. In this article, we'll explore some empowering tips to help single moms navigate their unique journey with confidence and grace. 1. **Build a Support System:** One of the most crucial aspects of thriving as a single mom is establishing a strong support system. Surround yourself with friends, family, and other single parents who understand the challenges you face. Having a reliable network not only provides emotional support but also practical assistance when needed. 2. **Prioritize Self-Care:** Taking care of yourself is not a luxury; it's a necessity. Schedule regular "me time" to recharge and rejuvenate. Whether it's reading a book, taking a long bath, or going for a walk, finding moments of self-care can significantly impact your overall well-being and ability to tackle daily challenges. 3. **Set Realistic Goals:** Single moms often face the pressure of managing multiple roles. Setting realistic goals is essential to avoid burnout. Break down larger tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small, and understand that it's okay to ask for help when needed. 4. **Financial Empowerment:** Taking control of your finances is a key aspect of empowerment for single moms. Create a budget, save when possible, and explore financial resources available to single parents. Seek advice from financial counselors if necessary, and plan for both short-term and long-term financial goals. 5. **Establish Routines:** Creating consistent routines can provide stability for both you and your children. Routines help manage time more efficiently and create a sense of predictability for your family. Establishing bedtime routines and daily schedules can contribute to a more organized and calm household. 6. **Open Communication with Children:** Maintaining open and honest communication with your children is vital. Let them express their feelings and concerns, and encourage a supportive environment where everyone's voice is heard. This fosters a sense of security and helps build strong bonds within the family. 7. **Continued Education and Career Growth:** Investing in your education and career growth contributes to long-term stability. Explore opportunities for career advancement, take advantage of workplace flexibility when available, and consider pursuing further education or training to enhance your skills and marketability. 8. **Legal and Community Resources:** Be aware of legal rights and community resources available to single moms. Many communities offer assistance programs, support groups, and legal aid services. Understanding your rights and accessing available resources can provide additional layers of support during challenging times. 9. **Embrace Technology:** Utilize technology to streamline tasks and stay connected. Calendar apps, budgeting tools, and online resources can help you manage your time and responsibilities more efficiently. Stay connected with your support system through video calls and social media to foster a sense of community. 10. **Celebrate Achievements:** Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Single moms often underestimate their resilience and strength. Recognize your accomplishments, be proud of your journey, and understand that you are creating a positive and nurturing environment for your family. Being a single mom comes with its unique set of challenges, but with the right mindset and support, it can also be a fulfilling and empowering journey. By building a strong support system, prioritizing self-care, and taking practical steps towards financial and personal growth, single moms can navigate their path with confidence and resilience. Remember, you are not alone, and your strength is truly remarkable. |
The Importance of Fur-iends
By Lily Sutton I have had a pet almost my whole life. When I was around one and a half, my mom got me a cat. We picked her out together. I named her Iggy (for no particular reason, apart from it popping into my kid brain). I am now almost 18; she is still with me and is my favorite family member. My parents got divorced when I was around one. As I am an only child, I did not have a sibling to share/go through my troubles with. Although Iggy was only at my mom’s house, she was the closest thing I had. She was always there for me to hug, dress up, or just look at and know she was sound. She was, and still is, a driving force of comfort in my life. She is not the only pet I have had. I have had quite a few and I'd like to give them each a shout out. After Iggy, in order of appearance in my life:
Although we do not speak the same language as animals, having, fostering or spending time with them has been clinically proven to reduce stress. I have felt that first hand. When I did not think I could talk to anyone about things that were going on in my life, I knew I could always connect with Iggy and she would help share my burden. |
Ways to Save Money as a Single Mom
By Jamine Ackert We all need to stay inspired to save. Choose something from this list that you can do today. Managing finances as a single mom can be challenging, but there are several practical strategies to save money and build financial stability. Here are some money-saving tips tailored for single moms: 1. **Create a Budget:** - Establish a monthly budget to track income, expenses, and savings goals. - Categorize expenses such as housing, utilities, groceries, and childcare. - Identify areas where you can cut back or find more affordable alternatives. 2. **Meal Planning:** - Plan meals in advance to reduce impulse grocery purchases. - Buy groceries in bulk and take advantage of sales and discounts. - Cook large batches and freeze meals for future use to save time and money. 3. **Explore Secondhand Options:** - Consider buying secondhand clothing, furniture, and household items. - Thrift stores, online marketplaces, and community swap events can be great resources. 4. **Utilize Government Assistance Programs:** - Investigate government assistance programs that may offer financial support or subsidies for housing, food, and childcare. - Research tax credits available to single parents, such as the Child Tax Credit. 5. **Save on Childcare Costs:** - Explore more affordable childcare options, such as local community centers or family daycare providers. - Coordinate childcare arrangements with other single parents for mutual support. 6. **Negotiate Bills:** - Negotiate bills for services like cable, internet, and insurance. Providers may offer discounts or more affordable packages. - Regularly review and compare insurance rates to ensure you are getting the best deal. 7. **Build an Emergency Fund:** - Allocate a portion of your income to build an emergency fund for unexpected expenses. - Having a financial cushion can prevent relying on credit cards or loans in times of crisis. 8. **Limit Impulse Spending:** - Avoid impulsive purchases by creating a shopping list and sticking to it. - Take time to compare prices and read reviews before making significant purchases. 9. **Explore Free or Low-Cost Activities:** - Seek out free community events and activities for entertainment. - Utilize local parks, libraries, and community centers that offer free or low-cost programs for families. 10. **Save on Transportation:** - Use public transportation or carpool to save on fuel and parking costs. - Maintain your vehicle regularly to prevent costly repairs in the long run. 11. **Negotiate Child Support:** - If applicable, ensure that child support agreements are fair and reflect the child's needs. - Communicate openly with the other parent about shared expenses and responsibilities. 12. **Invest in Energy Efficiency:** - Upgrade to energy-efficient appliances and light bulbs to reduce utility bills. - Seal drafts in windows and doors to conserve energy and lower heating and cooling costs. 13. **Explore Flexible Work Options:** - Investigate flexible work options, such as remote work or flexible hours, to reduce childcare costs. - Pursue opportunities for professional development and career advancement. 14. **Take Advantage of Discounts:** - Explore discounts available to single parents, such as reduced fees for recreational activities or educational programs. - Sign up for loyalty programs and use coupons when shopping for everyday items. By implementing these money-saving strategies, single moms can take proactive steps to achieve financial stability and provide a secure future for themselves and their children. Every small effort contributes to building a stronger financial foundation. |
