Dear Reader: Welcome To My Diary...
By Erica Cardona

(P.S. I don't like using periods, I prefer commas.)

Dear Diary,
    In my experience with Timing, it has its own glory. It not only has embedded itself in my thought process, but it governs over all that inhabits this planet. But my bond with Timing is the complex puzzle that foresees my existence--my every nerve as if it’s wired to go off at a specific time. Sometimes I feel like my death will be but another pawn in Timing’s great game of chess with God.
     Growing up, I was made to think the only way to find out who I was was through trials and tribulation, and that God’s plan for me would be revealed soon when the time was right. The older I got the more impatient I became. I wanted the time to be now; I couldn’t wait anymore. Then, a few years later, I began to confuse myself with all the questions I had unanswered because after all, there are more questions than answers. My mother used to try to give me some peace of mind by saying it’s all about timing, and at first I didn’t get it, but over time it clicked in and so much had been revealed to me by the understanding that my entire life is based on Timing. It was like someone took a blindfold off of me. Yes, it took time and I had to wait, but that very moment when a piece of the puzzle of my mind, body, and soul was put in its place, a wave of true exhilaration rushed through me. Once again in the board game of life I had only moved one step, but guess what? I now appreciate that one step, that one step closer to figuring out me. And yes, I do realize that all of that was to move only one step, but I don’t care. I’ll take that one step, because my mind is so complex that I would do anything to understand why I do what I do and why I think the way I think, and why I am the way I am, but the only thing that will help is making me wait because after all, it’s all about Timing and this I believe.          
​     I believe in timing, because like all the other beautiful creatures in this world I must depend on it. It’s funny because after all this time I’ve had to watch others in order to learn from their mistakes, I’ve learned that the planet is divided by many things--the largest division of them all is Time.
     Let me explain: the people in this world are divided by the idea of Timing. Some say to live in the moment, because life’s too short and others say to plan for the future, because life’s long, but none have really found the happy medium between the two. I, for one, have found the thin lining between the two, thus creating my idea to live in the moment, but be careful, because the moment will pass and you don’t want to create a wrinkle in your future. I am in the moment but aware of the future. I see life as a book and each page is a moment in the story of my life. Even if I was to look at the last page, it wouldn’t make a difference because I wouldn’t understand why that moment in time happened.
​     In my opinion, your relationship with the moment forms and affects your idea of Timing, and this I believe.
     ~ Erica Cardona

​​Dear Diary,              December 30, 2015
     In such a diverse world we learn a lot in our lifetimes. Our lifetime measured in age would be scaled by, let’s say, time. By the time you turn 25 you are supposed to learn all that you can bookwise, but by the time you turn 50 you are supposed to practice and experience all that you have learned. By the time you are 70, well, that’s the time you have to pass on all your wisdom and to teach others.
     But little do we know that most humans don’t follow that rule book. If you don’t pass on what you have learned you’ve basically wasted your entire life. Think of it as not continuing the cycle of knowledge. Like you’re withholding vital information from someone who could exercise it in their lives. What the human race fails to acknowledge is that life is just a cycle. You learn, practice, experience, and teach. Or rather, in a more direct sense, you would be born   
​     ~Erica Cardona 

Dear Diary,
     I know not what to do; I have both the world at my hands and nothing at all. I try to kill all bits of hope because I know there is none, but a dreamer’s gotta dream. Then again I have to do it; I have to murder the beast that claws at the cage that safeguards my soul. My heart no longer matters; it’s just a decoy. After all you can’t break a broken heart, so therefore do what you want with it. Now my soul is hidden where not even I know. So you can try, but you can’t hurt me. I’m bullet proof…
         ~ Erica Cardona

Dear Diary,
     Why dwindle beneath the sunlight, why ponder behind the curtains--such heavy thoughts never spoken. Always using what's not there, always searching for the forbiddeness. The sun peeks through the leaves of the great white oak. Suddenly silence falls, yet the screeching of your thoughts never settle. Forever searching for the silence...
​     ~ Erica Cardona

Dear Diary,
     Every child deserves a good, sturdy, and loving home. No one deserves to live in a house where the walls scream and doors are filled with tears, and how about the windows that cry out for help? But when DCF comes, nobody’s home, and the truant officers come to collect their biddings.
But the fantasy fades and you pretend the outside world can’t touch you. The reality of it all seeps in through your sliced arms and legs. You sit in the tub carving your regrets into your skin, but that won’t help. You can’t escape the asylum they’ve raised you in. You try to force the pain out and end it all because you can’t take the memories anymore.
     As you collect your belongings, ready to run, the alcohol-soaked rug brings you back with guilt. The bottles all over the floor trip you; you can’t bring yourself to leave your mother. Even though she threw liquor bottles at you and never missed, and paid others to take your innocence away, she was still your mother and she would be all alone. Out of nowhere you hear a voice saying, “trust me child; you’ve done nothing to deserve this…but until death do us part.”
     ~ Erica Cardona  

Dear Diary,
     I am one who dreams along the cracked pavement, one who sees the truth beneath the pounds of make up and extensions. I am not worthless, I am not dull nor lifeless, I am priceless and full of life and light with the hands of a healer and the mindset of a shark, I belong with the stars instead of the dirt and I don't care what they say, they see a girl that sings at the moon, I am a a girl who sings with the moon, one who instead of staying up til midnight thinking of a guy finds a passion for writing along the stars. And I know for a fact that...        
     ~ Erica Cardona