The Nails That Were
By Elizabeth Condall 10/18

     “Take your fingers out of your mouth.” I’ve been hearing this all my life, along with other variations like “Taste good?” or “want any salt with that?”
     Hello, I’m Elizabeth Condall and I’ve been biting my nails for 15 years. No breaks in between either. At this point in my life, I think it’s too late for me to stop. I often hide my nails and don’t like showing my hands. I get too many questions that are either too embarrassing to answer or that make me angry. I don’t think anyone really believes that biting off actual parts of your body is something that brings joy. It’s the opposite; nail biting masks underlying issues that others are too oblivious to see or understand.
     As a young girl growing up, I often got mistaken for a boy because my hair was cut short and, as everyone pointed out on a daily basis, “I had boyish hands.” I got mocked and called “Nubbs” so many times that at first, I would just laugh to avoid the awkward conversations as to why, how, and “why not just stop?” Which to me was like saying “why not just stop being depressed?” That’s not how it works. Now I hear questions so often that it hurts because half of the time I hear them from “friends,” It also sends a rage through my body because I support my friends and family so much, but when it comes to my turn everyone is gone like a “dine and dash.”
     For all the people who made fun of me and put me down instead of lifting me up, you’re 50% of the reason I do what I do. Actually figuring out a way to help me not bite my nails would have helped ten times more than making snarky comments. I wouldn’t have gone home and cried and thought “why am I like this?” I get it, nail biting is gross, but again, I don’t do it because I like the taste of broken skin, like the sight of blood trailing down my fingers, or like the taste of fresh blood. No, I do it because I’m a nervous and anxious mess with emotional problems linking to childhood and I’ve never had time or support to process any of that. I’m trying to stop, but quite frankly you’re not helping.  
     Too many people view nail-biting related to beauty standards and not as a mental health ordeal. Everything has a cause and effect. Thinking back to middle school, I was always treated like the clown of the class and I was always picked on. Someone would make a joke and point out how dark my skin was. I would always laugh it off and leave it alone, but a minute later I’d be biting my nails and then I’d be called out for that as well. Then I’d stop and start right up again. It’s a cycle that doesn’t stop and can’t be broken.
     If you know anyone who does bite their nails, whether they have just started or have been doing it for a long time, provide support and not just a shocked face, slick comments, or jokes. No one needs that, especially people who bite their nails. Try to help them to stop biting their nails because it can cause much larger problems in the future--problems that I’m trying to understand and solve.
     For me, it may be too late. My fingers are ruined like a red wine spill on a white couch, but it’s not too late for other people, so please reach out and help.

Debatable: Introduction
My name is Makayla Chambers and I am currently a Junior in the creative writing art at Coop. Ever since I was a kid, I heard that drinking your milk, exercising, and getting a good night's sleep were imperative to being healthy. The older I get, the more I hear about new diets or tricks to make you feel healthier. I want to know if these trends bring improvement to our bodies of if they’re just myths. “Debatable” is my way of testing these different health trends and informing people of my findings.

My week of meditating:
     Whether it be the mind palace in Sherlock Holmes, Occlumency in Harry Potter or the general trend of mindfulness, meditation has become a huge part of pop culture. This mindfulness revolution has taken the media by storm and caused many to take up the art of mental awareness.
     The first time I ever heard of the word mindfulness, I was in my eighth grade English class. The guidance counselor and her assistant had come in and led a mindfulness/meditation session with us. I thought it was a waste of time. But being mentally and socially aware has become imperative the older we get and the more diverse the cultural climate around us becomes.
     According to “12 Science-based benefits of meditation” by Matthew Thrope, meditation can help reduce stress, lower blood pressure, control anxiety, lengthen attention span, and much more. The benefit I found the most useful for myself was self-awareness. Self-awareness helps you gain a stronger understanding of yourself, and helps you realize destructive patterns so you can change them into constructive thoughts. 
     At the Windham Campbell Panel, Suzan-Lori Parks spoke of how important she thought it was to have a meditation practice. She said that we were influenced by so many external factors, that we needed the time to figure out what we think, and how we feel about it. Until that moment, I hadn’t realized how much my opinions on certain matters had changed over the years. Gaining a stronger understanding of how I felt sounded like the perfect way to reflect on these changes and become a better version of myself.
     First, I looked on YouTube for different meditation sessions. I knew I needed a guided meditation because I had never seriously meditated before. I also looked at the book “A practical guide to Buddhist meditation” by Paramananda. The YouTube videos I found were generally very long and I found it hard to decide what I was looking for. The book was easy to understand, but stopping mid-meditation to read the next section of the book seemed counterproductive. I finally decided on using an app called “Simple Habit.” The app has different mindfulness programs led by certified teachers in meditation. Simple Habit made finding programs easy by filtering them based on duration, situation, and content type.  I wanted to try three different programs throughout the week to see if there were any major differences between teachers.
     For the first three days, I listened to a program by Craig Hase called “Today is a Good Day.” His program had approximately 219,000 listens and the reviews I could find were all positive and recommended his sessions. His programs were generally about 5-10 minutes long and focused on staying positive and being kind. The first day was mostly breathing and staying focused. A common theme between each person's meditation was emphasizing the fact that beginners are often distracted, but the only thing that matters is bringing your focus back every time your mind wanders. This reassurance was helpful, as I wasn't sure what to expect. Craig Hase’s program focused on allowing yourself to have a good day and being positive towards yourself. He often repeated mantras like “May I be Happy,” “May I be Healthy,” and “May I be peaceful and at ease.” He recommended we say these throughout our day to reiterate the point that the only person in control of our happiness was ourselves and only we have the power to let ourselves enjoy our day.
     I found the concept that we limit our own happiness interesting and found an article on Psychology Today by Lisa Firestone about the reasons we don’t let ourselves be happy. She talked about how when we take “Two steps forward and one step back,” we take the step backward as a sign of failure and believe we are incapable of achieving our goals. She also says that it “disrupts our sense of identity.” The blanket of negativity we surround ourselves with (no matter how unwanted) gives us a sense of comfort and safety. Stepping outside our comfort zones often makes us retreat back to what we know and causes us to remain unhappy. 
     The notion that we limit our own happiness made me want to immerse myself in Craig Hase’s program and try to make sure I wasn’t making these same mistakes. I set a reminder on my phone to randomly send notifications with his mantras that have us ask ourselves for permission to be happy. Often when I was having a bad morning, I let it affect my whole day. These reminders made me ask myself ‘why should this bad morning be a bad day?’ and change my attitude. I highly recommend Craig Hase’s program to anyone struggling with allowing themselves to be happy and kind towards themselves.
     The second program I listened to was called “Morning Meditation” by Fuyuko Toyota. Her sessions had about 105,000 listens and focus on your senses. Her series was very simple to follow and could easily become a part of my mornings. Focusing on my senses and then evaluating how they make me feel is something I’ve never done before. She recommends that throughout our day we practice recognizing how we feel about the things we hear, see, feel, taste and smell. Practicing certain techniques throughout the day was also something all three teachers had in common. She says that her sessions are about “Building the muscle of attention” and I feel like practicing these new techniques is how we increase our daily mindfulness. Whenever I listened to music, ate anything, or felt a certain material I asked myself how did it make me feel. It was weird at first thinking of everything I came in contact with and made me realize there’s a lot of input we receive on a daily basis and sorting through all that information helped me feel more grounded. 
     The last program I listened to was by Oren Jay Sofer called “Improve Focus.” His program was mainly about getting back to the basics and improving your focus the right way. He had about 291,876 plays on his program. As I did all of these meditation sessions in the morning time (around 6:00 am) this program helped me wake up and become the most alert out of the three. He had a pretty soothing voice and once I looked through the comments, I found that most people agreed with me. His comments were varied in the fact that some people thought his program was too basic while others loved the simplicity of his sessions. I think this program would be one I recommend to anyone just starting and trying to learn how to focus your mind.
While meditating this week was generally a great experience, I did have some trouble sometimes. I chose relatively short sessions, as I am a beginner, but found my mind wandered more than I thought it would. While getting distracted wasn’t something I wanted to happen, I found that when my mind did wander I got some good ideas for pieces of writing I want to do in the future. I also found times where I would fall asleep briefly during the sessions but as the week went by, I found once I woke up, I would stay awake more easily.
     Throughout the week morning meditations have improved my mindset. Usually at the end of a week, I have a whole list of things that went wrong but after meditating for a week, I had a list of things I enjoyed or think I would try again. After doing this week full of morning meditations I think I’m going to continue doing meditation in the morning. It might not be every day but I definitely think mindfulness has its benefits and that my 8th-grade guidance counselor definitely knew what she was talking about.

For more:
https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/12-benefits-of-meditation
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201507/5-reasons-we-dont-let-ourselves-be-happy

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My week as a vegetarian:  
     The other day my dad and I were on the highway and every couple of miles there were billboards filled with slogans about why people should go vegetarian:
     “Live your life, without depriving others of theirs.”
     “We take her baby, we take her milk, we take her life.”
     “If you condemn violence, don’t consume violence.”
     After three of these signs, I decided to look into the merits of becoming a vegetarian.
     Considering all of the health benefits associated with an all-vegetarian diet, I was shocked more people haven't considered this lifestyle. Not only does a vegetarian diet lower the risk of developing Type 2 Diabetes, but it also helps lower your cholesterol and prevent heart disease. Heart disease is the leading cause of death (1 in 4 people die from heart disease) in America for both men and women. This number could drastically decrease if more people considered a vegetarian diet. In addition to food’s impact on physical health, a person’s state of mind can be affected by what they eat as well. Vegetarian diets are known for improving people's moods. According to a 2012 research study by Nutrition Journal, omnivore diets are high in arachidonic acids, which promote changes in the brain that can disturb mood.
     After discovering the benefits of a being a vegetarian, I wanted to try it for myself over the course of a week to see if I would notice any differences.
The first thing I did was research what constitutes a vegetarian diet. According to blogger Charmi Gogri, a nutritionist with a degree in food science and nutrition, there are three main types of vegetarian diet. These three diets consisted of lacto-vegetarians (those who don’t consume meat, poultry, fish, or eggs but consume dairy products), ovo-vegetarians (individuals who avoid meat, poultry, fish, and dairy but consume eggs), and lacto-ovo vegetarians (people who avoid meat, poultry, and fish but consume dairy and eggs). Lacto-ovo is the most common vegetarian diet across the globe, and the diet I committed to for seven days.
     Every day of the week, I recorded how I was feeling and any noticeable observations.  I knew going into the experiment that I might not be able to detect effects on my mood because the subjects in the Nutrition Journal study changed their diet for two weeks instead of one. While my overall mood did seem better than that of the previous week, I’m not sure if the placebo effect had anything to do with my results.
     The placebo effect can take place if you believe something will happen and feel its effects regardless of whether anything physical has really changed. The placebo effect can be evident in clinical studies, when one person or group is given a drug being tested while the other is given a fake drug. Both are told they have the real drug. The placebo effect would make the patient(s) with the fake drug believe the medicine was working regardless of the fact that they never ingested any real medicine. Aside from my doubts on whether I fell prey to the placebo effect, I believe my week was different due to this diet.
Monday was the hardest day for me. Changing my diet wasn’t that hard as I don’t eat that much meat on a regular basis. The challenging part was when I wanted meat purely because of  the fact that I couldn’t have any. Aside from craving meat on the first day, I was struck with the realization that I couldn't eat the cafeteria lunch. I was running ingredients through my mind all day to make sure I stuck to the diet. It made me realize how much thought people with food restrictions, or on diets, had to give about their meals when they’re not home.
     Tuesday was very similar to Monday. Getting used to eating a different school lunch was a challenge. I felt like I needed to explain myself regarding my food choices and the excuse “I’m going vegetarian this week” was a common one for me. Every time I had met someone who was vegan or vegetarian, I’d thought that it was weird that they felt the need to declare their diet choices to me. Now, after this week, I understood it a bit more.
On Wednesday, I felt really calm. I wasn’t stressed or particularly anxious. I was in a really good mood. Usually I feel worse on odd days, because I dislike those classes. This time around I felt very relaxed. At this point of the week, I started going to bed earlier and slept longer than usual.
Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday my good mood continued. I was very relaxed and accepting of things that would normally bother me. I wasn’t thinking of the diet anymore and the meat cravings were almost non-existent. I started trying new recipes and eating more vegetables. Cauliflower was a favorite of mine. Over the course of these days, my diet changed very subtly. I used to avoid vegetables like the plague, but this week I was more open to trying them. My diet didn't change as much as I thought it would, but my attitude towards different foods did. I was more willing to try new foods and I think I can attribute this to the diet I was trying out.
     In regards to the hypothesis I made at the beginning of my week, I think the longer I went as a vegetarian, the more my way of thinking changed. Being vegetarian for the week gave me the courage to try new things. That gave me a way to be more positive and open, which I’ve been trying to carry forward. Being on the vegetarian diet taught me that my preconceived notions could influence how I felt about something, even if I hadn’t tried it yet (most vegetables fell under these preconceived notions). I believe the diet improved my mood throughout the week. I felt a sense of level-headedness throughout the week that I hadn’t experienced before.
     ​I think trying new diets is a great way to explore different lifestyles and introduce people to new things. I encourage anybody curious about an all-vegetarian diet to give it a try and see if they feel any different.

Coping with Depression
MarQuel Horton Woods

     I suffered from depression. I was in a self-destructive mental state for about six years of my life from the age of ten years old to sixteen years old. When I was in the fifth grade, I would miss school almost at least one day a week, sometimes two days a week, and a few times three days a week. I was avoiding an environment that had made me doubt myself for the first time in my life. This was during the time that children started to become more influenced by society and apparently I didn’t fit in. My classmates made fun of me because of how stained my teeth were, how ashy my hands were, the deepness of my voice and the imperfections on my face due to my early puberty. I coped with the bullying and the negative thoughts that I had started to have by missing school. I would tell my mother that I was sick and would stay home watching TV all day. Sometimes I would stay home just to watch a certain show; like I missed school a couple of times to watch the two episodes of Charmed that would come on an hour after I was supposed to be on the bus to school.
       The TV obsession did not end there; for a good year, I would either fake sleep or set an alarm and get up in the middle of the night to watch Disney Original Movies. This was a frequent activity that I would do because I was drawn to the movies and felt the happiest at 3:00 a.m. while watching Zenon, the Cheetah Girls, Now You See Me, Genius, Twitches, Seventeen Again, the Kim Possible Movies, Under Wraps, The Ultimate Christmas Present, Halloweentown, Dadnapped, Motorcrossed, Stuck in the Suburbs, The Thirteenth Year, Phantom of the Megaplex, Quints, Avalon High, The Luck of the Irish, Smart House, Get a Clue, Read It and Weep, Minutemen, The Even Stevens Movie, Radio Rebel, Cow Belles, Jump In, High School Musical, Wendy Wu: Homecoming Warrior, Sky High, Camp Rock, Wizards of Waverly Place: the Movie, Princess Protection Program, Starstruck, and Cadet Kelly, just to name a few.
      My mother couldn’t afford to pay for cable sometimes but she gave me her old laptop, so I would watch shows on YouTube and illegal streaming websites. I watched That’s So Raven, Sweet Life of Zach & Cody, Sweet Life on Deck, Hannah Montana, What I Like About You, Boy Meets World, Charmed, Step By Step, Wizards of Waverly Place, The Proud Family, Sister, Sister, Lizzie McGuire, American Dragon: Jake Long, Ben 10, My Life as a Teenage Robot, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, My Babysitter’s a Vampire, Sonny with a Chance, Under the Dome, True Blood and so many more shows in their entirety.
      The times when I did have cable, I knew when my shows would come on and how long they would last. I knew that Friends came on everyday at 4: 00 p.m. on TBS and that American Dad came on before I got home from school. I knew when Cartoon Network switched to Adult Swim and when Nickelodeon switched to Nick @ Nite. My life revolved around watching TV and living through the characters on the screen. I bet you were disappointed there wasn’t a long list this paragraph, don’t worry; there are three more extensive lists to look forward to.
       When I was thirteen, my mother bought Netflix and I was able to take my binge-watching to a whole another level. I was able to watch episodes back-to-back without having to worry about catching a virus from a sketchy streaming website or whether the episode was blocked for Copyright reasons. I lived through How I Met Your Mother, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Office, Parks and Recreation, The Vampire Diaries, Switched at Birth, Once Upon a Time, Pretty Little Liars, Frasier, Gilmore Girls, Degrassi, That 70’s Show, New Girl, Parenthood, Young & Hungry, Gossip Girl, H2O: Just Add Water, The Fosters, Will & Grace, Queer as Folk, Being Human, Life Unexpected, Sense 8, Schitt’s Creek, Glee, BoJack Horseman, American Horror Story, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Weeds, Party of Five, Pokémon: Indigo League, F is for Family, Between, The Returned, and other shows that I have re-watched about two or three times. These shows really took up most of my time, I felt a deep connection to almost every single one and they helped me get through some of the worst periods in my six years of depression.
       Another way that I would cope with my self-hatred is with food. I went to the store at least once a week for a year and every time I would go to the store I would spend about $10 on junk food. There was many times where I would go to the story multiple days a week and spend almost the same amount on each visit. My mother didn’t help because she craved junk food too. She would send me with her EBT card to the store with a list of items she wanted and would tell me to get something or multiple things for myself. I had no self-control and at one point I did see that I was a problem, but overeating was just too easy to do and the food was just too accessible. I used to binge-eat. I would binge-eat; cookies, chips, cakes, soda, ice cream, pizza bites, bread, microwavable pizzas, burritos, and Chinese food. I used to steal food as well. When there was something in the house that I wanted, I would hide on a shelf that no one could see it on or deep in the freezer under something else. I would sneak bites when my mother wasn’t looking after she finished dinner. I would sneak leftovers even after my mother told me not to eat leftovers. There was this one time, when I was fifteen, so not too long ago, when my mother got mad at me for eating most of the spaghetti that she had cooked. During the argument, I realized that I had eaten over a pound and a half of ground beef without even realizing it. My over-eating was a problem and is still a problem to this day, but is not as intense or as unhealthy.
      The last thing that I used to cope was literature. When I was younger and we didn’t have cable, I used to devour books. I have always binge-read books because I find them hard to put down and I would get deeply immersed in the worlds. Books were my TV and I would read them whenever I could. Every time I was done with my work in class, I would start reading. Every time I was at home, you could most likely find me in my room reading. I loved books with a passion and it was mostly fiction books that distracted me. I devoured Harry Potter, Mortal Instruments, His Dark Materials, Eragon, Percy Jackson, Ender’s Game, Swindled, Gatekeepers, The Shining, Matched, Divergent, Hunger Games, Twilight and others at a fast pace. Even though this was a distraction and a way to cope, it did give me great reading skills, make me a better writer, and helped me learn a lot.
      All of these things that I used to distract myself from my emotional and mental decline really did help me in many ways, except for my food fixation, which was just destructive and unhealthy. I gained knowledge on film, television, and literature. My interest in the areas has not changed and I am happy that I can have these reference points for my own art. I don’t think that if I had the chance I would change anything that has happened in my life. All of my experiences and strong emotions that I was forced to endure made me the person that I am today. I love the person that I am today. Even though I may eat a little too much sometimes, even though I might procrastinate and watch something for hours at a time, even though I’ve gotten out of the habit of reading, I would not change a thing. I am working on all of these bad habits, it takes time to get rid of crutches that you use for years to get by, but I am improving almost every day. I appreciate my depression because without it, I wouldn’t be where I am today or be the person I am today.


​Make Every Day Count
Anonymous 1/19
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     Every day, I walk through the halls of Co-op High School. I take in the phenomenal artwork plastered on the wall, the traveling tunes bouncing of the walls, everything. When I first began attending the school, it was thrilling for me to be attending a school where everyone was passionate about a talent they possessed. As time passed, I began to take the school for granted, I often found myself complaining about my art, and sometimes I even wished I’d transferred.
     Junior year, age 15, was when I found out. I’d been going to different doctors for the duration of about two months with concerns in terms of my hearing. Finally, a doctor decided it’d be best for me to get a CT Scan. The experience itself was frightening, but I didn’t think much of it. They found that there was, and still is, leaking in the back of my brain. Unfortunately, proper treatment has yet to be discovered.
     “There’s a 50% chance that you could wake up deaf tomorrow,” the doctor told me. Every day, I'm constantly reminding myself that at any moment, I may not be able to hear. I decided not to allow this setback to haunt me and weigh me down. I developed a new mindset/outlook on my life. For all I know, I’ll never be able to hear the sweet songs I danced to at school ever again.
     My medical news opened my eyes to how much I have, and how easily it could be taken away from me. As students, we need to understand how much our school, and life itself, has to offer us. We receive the opportunity to practice our craft, get critiqued, and even present it. I don’t wanna continue walking through our school with regret, but with passion. I’m going to remain aware of my condition and make sure I fulfill every chance given to me. Make sure you take advantage of the wonderful experience Co-op has to offer, it could be gone within a blink of an eye.