One Mom Magazine Articles
Who IS a "Single Mom?"
By Mindi Englart Defining the term There are lots of ways to define “single mother.” Broadly speaking, "single mom" typically refers to a woman who is raising a child or children on her own, without the presence or support of a spouse or partner. This can occur due to various circumstances, such as divorce, separation, the death of a spouse, or choosing to parent independently. Single moms often face unique challenges and responsibilities as they navigate the demands of parenting, providing for their families, and managing household and child-rearing responsibilities without a co-parent. I find many definitions of the term “single mother” to be too simplistic. Discussions about family dynamics and responsibilities are often nuanced, and individual experiences can be complex. If someone uses the term "single mom" to describe their situation, it could be an expression of the challenges they face, even if it doesn't align precisely with the traditional definition. At the Single Mothers Discount Card (SMDCard) and One Mom Magazine, we welcome all people who identify as "single mothers," regardless of age, culture, ability, nationality, race, religion, sexual orientation, or socioeconomic status. What this means is that if you identify with single motherhood in any of its myriad forms, you can participate in our community, and you qualify to use the SMDCard to get discounts with our Business Partners. That means, to us, you can be a single mother if your child’s other parent is still involved, if your child is over 18, or if you are an aunt, grandmother, or other female-identifying person in a custodial role of a child. Why are single mothers in need of special attention and support? According to 2019 U.S. Census Bureau, 80 percent of single-parent families are headed by single mothers. The United States has the highest percentage of single family homes in the world. Single mothers (and those that are close to them) know too well the disadvantages that they and their children are at risk for. But others are not as aware. In educating people about the injustices of the current legal system and the financial inequalities inherent in being a woman, we hope to, slowly but surely, make a difference at the policy level. As we know, women currently earn approximately 18% less than men in America and women of color earn even less. In addition, in a divorce, women bear a disproportionate financial burden. The SMDCard is focused on empowering women (in all their diverse representations) because to be a woman is to be in a category of people who historically (and currently) earn less money for their work, have to work harder to rise to positions of power, have more experience of domestic violence, have more societal expectations of caregiving, and experience other inequities compared with men. The reason the SMDCard exists is to help level the playing field (economic and otherwise) for single mothers, and, therefore, their children. Our Goal is to Be Inclusive As founder of the SMDCard, I have been asked the following questions about who qualifies as a single mother (and therefore, who can join). Here are some answers:
There is Power in Numbers Single moms are one of the most diverse, intersectional groups in the world. Within this category, especially as defined in this article, you will find mothers of all backgrounds, races, religions, ages, political affiliations, sexual and gender orientations, sizes, abilities, and more. The more we can recognize the commonalities we share, the more we can each bring our perspectives, strengths, voices, and purchasing power to create a more equitable and welcoming experience of the world, for ourselves and our children. We can reduce stigma and shame and can bond together to find inspiration, even (sometimes especially) where we might not expect it. Just as single mothers vary by circumstance, their needs vary as well. Some may be financially secure, but lack a sense of community and support. Others may need reliable information as they take care of their children (and themselves) at various phases of their lives. Through the SMDCard, One Mom Magazine, and our partnerships with other like-minded groups, we are building a rich, vibrant community dedicated to bettering the world for women and children. We hope you’ll join us. |
Mental Health and the Holidays
By Ebony Langston, Licensed Professional Counselor The holidays can be some of the most joyous times of the winter season. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year! Three holidays that allow us to get together with family/friends, eat, exchange gifts, and be merry! Sometimes there are unexpected surprises, such as visiting with a loved one you haven’t seen in years, meeting a new addition to the family, or attending an engagement party. The holidays can be an exciting time for many, but not all. As much as the holidays can bring joy, they can also be a source of stress and sadness. While there are people with an abundance of family, friends, and support, there are also many with little support and those who simply dread the holidays, whether it’s because of a recent loss of support, distance that has separated loved ones, or a lack of financial stability. It can be difficult to see others enjoying the holiday when we are feeling down. As a mental health professional who has struggled with my own anxiety surrounding the holiday season, I have recognized that I must engage in more self-care during this more vulnerable time of the year. The following tips are ones I have used for myself, as well as for my clients: Recognize, acknowledge, and share feelings & emotions The holidays can make you sad, happy, and irritated at different times and sometimes all at the same time! It is important to express emotions (in a healthy way, of course) and not internalize them, as that can exacerbate negative moods. If a family member or friend is not a source of support, consider some short-term counseling, even if it’s just to get through the holiday season. Keep it Simple Get rid of the idea that you are a bad parent because you can’t get your child that expensive gift! We are all doing our best and it is a time of financial difficulty for many people. Consider establishing a budget for gift giving, making homemade gifts, and/or starting a family gift exchange. Stay Active There is a saying in the mental health world and that’s “move a muscle, change a thought." If you are stuck in a negative thought cycle, try physical activity, and you may be surprised by how much better you feel. Exercise has been proven, through research, to alleviate many symptoms of anxiety/depression. While getting dressed and going to the gym may seem like the last thing you want to do on a cold, winter day, it’s actually exactly the type of activity that can increase the positive chemicals in your brain. If the gym is not an option, consider home workouts or outdoor walks. Practice Kindness and Gratitude Stopping from time to time to think about all the good things in your life is something we should all aim to do. While it is easy to get caught up in the negativity of life, it is important to recognize that there are many positives as well. Try to list at least 3 positives in your life each day, if only for the holiday season. Nothing is too small for your list. If you have a warm place to sleep, running water, and you can see well enough to read this, you've got the start to your list. The golden rule of “treat others how you would like to be treated” is important at all times, but especially during the holiday season. You never know what someone is going through and how much a friendly demeanor can mean for someone who is struggling during the season. Ignore Perfection The stress of not securing that “perfect” tree or having a "perfect" holiday meal can diminish a pleasant holiday mood….if you allow it! Remember, the holiday consists of more than just decorations and presents. Do only what you can and nothing more! Take time to slow down and enjoy the season for what you can accomplish, not what you aren’t able to. If you're not able to stick to previous holiday traditions, spend time creating some fun and comforting new ones. 
Links We Love
By Christine Sullivan These are my favorite three podcasts that I’m recommending to everyone as we get ready for the holidays. Glennon Doyle’s podcast “You Can Do Hard Things” is quite often brilliant, but this episode has really specific holiday hacks to help you prepare for the various landmines that can get in the way of your holiday cheer: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/happyish-holidays-our-top-three-hacks/id1564530722?i=1000542789620 In this podcast, Brene Brown interviews Priya Parker on the “art of gathering” that explains how to create a special event and how you don’t have to spend a lot of money to do it: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-priya-parker-on-the-art-of-gathering/ Jay Shetty is always a calming favorite of mine – he created this episode during COVID, but I think it’s just as relevant today. He talks about how to make the holiday special, either in person or at a distance: https://jayshetty.me/podcast/7-ways-to-make-the-holidays-special-from-a-distance-or-close-by-2/ |
Have the Holidays You Want By Setting Boundaries
By Barb Nangle If you're dreading the holidays because you end up doing things you're not really interested in doing, or going places you don't really want go, or exchanging gifts when you don't feel like it - I've got some good news for you! You get to have the kind of holidays YOU want to have! It's OK to ask for what you really want and need during the Holidays, this could mean the type of gift that you want, the amount of time that you want to spend with someone, the amount of alone time or lounging time you have with your family, or certain destinations that you'd like to go to. It's also okay if people get mad at you for setting boundaries during the Holidays. It’s not the end of the world to have someone upset with you - it shows that they heard you! You deserve to enjoy the Holidays just like everyone else does! The sooner you set the boundaries with your friends and family, the sooner you’ll be able to actually enjoy the holiday season!
You don't have to explain yourself if you've changed your holiday traditions. In fact, it’s never your job to convince anyone to understand your boundaries. Choosing to no longer over-explain and justify a boundary is a boundary in itself. If you want to change holiday traditions, you might say something like, “I'm not going to _ this year. I’d like to try something new. it doesn't mean I don't value our old traditions, it means I want to create some new traditions.” It's OK to not go home for the Holidays. You might say, “I'm not gonna make it this year mom. I know you're disappointed, I am too, but it’s just not possible this year.” You don't have to exchange holiday gifts if you don't want to. You could say, “I'm no longer exchanging gifts with friends, just family. What I'd really like is to spend some time with you.” You don't have to talk about subjects that are private or that make you uncomfortable. You might say something like, “I don't discuss that with other people” or “I'm uncomfortable with this conversation, let's change the subject.” If you know you want to set one or more of these boundaries for the holidays, I recommend you do it today! It’s respectful of the others with whom you’re changing plans, and it gives you peace of mind that it’s over with (and that you’re not going to do things you don’t want to do!). |
Navigating the Journey:
Empowering Tips for Single Moms By Jamine Ackert Being a single mom is undoubtedly one of the most rewarding yet challenging roles a woman can take on. Juggling the responsibilities of parenthood, work, and personal well-being requires resilience and a strategic approach. In this article, we'll explore some empowering tips to help single moms navigate their unique journey with confidence and grace. 1. **Build a Support System:** One of the most crucial aspects of thriving as a single mom is establishing a strong support system. Surround yourself with friends, family, and other single parents who understand the challenges you face. Having a reliable network not only provides emotional support but also practical assistance when needed. 2. **Prioritize Self-Care:** Taking care of yourself is not a luxury; it's a necessity. Schedule regular "me time" to recharge and rejuvenate. Whether it's reading a book, taking a long bath, or going for a walk, finding moments of self-care can significantly impact your overall well-being and ability to tackle daily challenges. 3. **Set Realistic Goals:** Single moms often face the pressure of managing multiple roles. Setting realistic goals is essential to avoid burnout. Break down larger tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small, and understand that it's okay to ask for help when needed. 4. **Financial Empowerment:** Taking control of your finances is a key aspect of empowerment for single moms. Create a budget, save when possible, and explore financial resources available to single parents. Seek advice from financial counselors if necessary, and plan for both short-term and long-term financial goals. 5. **Establish Routines:** Creating consistent routines can provide stability for both you and your children. Routines help manage time more efficiently and create a sense of predictability for your family. Establishing bedtime routines and daily schedules can contribute to a more organized and calm household. 6. **Open Communication with Children:** Maintaining open and honest communication with your children is vital. Let them express their feelings and concerns, and encourage a supportive environment where everyone's voice is heard. This fosters a sense of security and helps build strong bonds within the family. 7. **Continued Education and Career Growth:** Investing in your education and career growth contributes to long-term stability. Explore opportunities for career advancement, take advantage of workplace flexibility when available, and consider pursuing further education or training to enhance your skills and marketability. 8. **Legal and Community Resources:** Be aware of legal rights and community resources available to single moms. Many communities offer assistance programs, support groups, and legal aid services. Understanding your rights and accessing available resources can provide additional layers of support during challenging times. 9. **Embrace Technology:** Utilize technology to streamline tasks and stay connected. Calendar apps, budgeting tools, and online resources can help you manage your time and responsibilities more efficiently. Stay connected with your support system through video calls and social media to foster a sense of community. 10. **Celebrate Achievements:** Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Single moms often underestimate their resilience and strength. Recognize your accomplishments, be proud of your journey, and understand that you are creating a positive and nurturing environment for your family. Being a single mom comes with its unique set of challenges, but with the right mindset and support, it can also be a fulfilling and empowering journey. By building a strong support system, prioritizing self-care, and taking practical steps towards financial and personal growth, single moms can navigate their path with confidence and resilience. Remember, you are not alone, and your strength is truly remarkable. |
The Importance of Fur-iends
By Lily Sutton I have had a pet almost my whole life. When I was around one and a half, my mom got me a cat. We picked her out together. I named her Iggy (for no particular reason, apart from it popping into my kid brain). I am now almost 18; she is still with me and is my favorite family member. My parents got divorced when I was around one. As I am an only child, I did not have a sibling to share/go through my troubles with. Although Iggy was only at my mom’s house, she was the closest thing I had. She was always there for me to hug, dress up, or just look at and know she was sound. She was, and still is, a driving force of comfort in my life. She is not the only pet I have had. I have had quite a few and I'd like to give them each a shout out. After Iggy, in order of appearance in my life:
Although we do not speak the same language as animals, having, fostering or spending time with them has been clinically proven to reduce stress. I have felt that first hand. When I did not think I could talk to anyone about things that were going on in my life, I knew I could always connect with Iggy and she would help share my burden. |
Ways to Save Money as a Single Mom
By Jamine Ackert We all need to stay inspired to save. Choose something from this list that you can do today. Managing finances as a single mom can be challenging, but there are several practical strategies to save money and build financial stability. Here are some money-saving tips tailored for single moms: 1. **Create a Budget:** - Establish a monthly budget to track income, expenses, and savings goals. - Categorize expenses such as housing, utilities, groceries, and childcare. - Identify areas where you can cut back or find more affordable alternatives. 2. **Meal Planning:** - Plan meals in advance to reduce impulse grocery purchases. - Buy groceries in bulk and take advantage of sales and discounts. - Cook large batches and freeze meals for future use to save time and money. 3. **Explore Secondhand Options:** - Consider buying secondhand clothing, furniture, and household items. - Thrift stores, online marketplaces, and community swap events can be great resources. 4. **Utilize Government Assistance Programs:** - Investigate government assistance programs that may offer financial support or subsidies for housing, food, and childcare. - Research tax credits available to single parents, such as the Child Tax Credit. 5. **Save on Childcare Costs:** - Explore more affordable childcare options, such as local community centers or family daycare providers. - Coordinate childcare arrangements with other single parents for mutual support. 6. **Negotiate Bills:** - Negotiate bills for services like cable, internet, and insurance. Providers may offer discounts or more affordable packages. - Regularly review and compare insurance rates to ensure you are getting the best deal. 7. **Build an Emergency Fund:** - Allocate a portion of your income to build an emergency fund for unexpected expenses. - Having a financial cushion can prevent relying on credit cards or loans in times of crisis. 8. **Limit Impulse Spending:** - Avoid impulsive purchases by creating a shopping list and sticking to it. - Take time to compare prices and read reviews before making significant purchases. 9. **Explore Free or Low-Cost Activities:** - Seek out free community events and activities for entertainment. - Utilize local parks, libraries, and community centers that offer free or low-cost programs for families. 10. **Save on Transportation:** - Use public transportation or carpool to save on fuel and parking costs. - Maintain your vehicle regularly to prevent costly repairs in the long run. 11. **Negotiate Child Support:** - If applicable, ensure that child support agreements are fair and reflect the child's needs. - Communicate openly with the other parent about shared expenses and responsibilities. 12. **Invest in Energy Efficiency:** - Upgrade to energy-efficient appliances and light bulbs to reduce utility bills. - Seal drafts in windows and doors to conserve energy and lower heating and cooling costs. 13. **Explore Flexible Work Options:** - Investigate flexible work options, such as remote work or flexible hours, to reduce childcare costs. - Pursue opportunities for professional development and career advancement. 14. **Take Advantage of Discounts:** - Explore discounts available to single parents, such as reduced fees for recreational activities or educational programs. - Sign up for loyalty programs and use coupons when shopping for everyday items. By implementing these money-saving strategies, single moms can take proactive steps to achieve financial stability and provide a secure future for themselves and their children. Every small effort contributes to building a stronger financial foundation. |
