Food? Sounds delicious!
Satire by Ivory-Maye 4/15
Welcome to this weeks savory satire, where I (Ivory-Maye btw, nice to meet you) will dismantle all the unfair, racist, weird, and cool things that happen in our society. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the bad jokes, puns, and sarcasm.
Greetings Earthlings:
Did you know that life is long, but also very short? And “life as we know it” is about as fair as the amount of money that Dick Cheney made off of the Iraq war (damn you, Cheney)? You see, I was eating a bowl of strawberries last week, and was thinking deeply about shallow things (andre 3000 saying btw) and truly realized that life reaps what you sow. Yes that is a very ancient statement,It’s almost as old as the atoms that we’re composed of. And yet this holds true in todays fast paced 1984 Orwell-esque society. It’s easy to get caught up in lifes anomalies, but one way to ease the confusion is to cash out on a nice dinner with people that you actually like. Sip some wine(only if you’re 21 of course) and eat fancy cheese. Slip the cute waiter your number while your at it. No seriously, you should, better yet add some cool hip music with warm liquid sounds, and heavy bass. Not only should you listen to music while eating, because it makes it 10x more fun, but because music enhances & alters the way that we taste our food. I know it’s crazy, and you probably don’t believe me in particular. But,there was a study done by some educated white men in suits from Oxford University. Now now many of you may still not believe me, but I mean c’mon they are : White ? (check) Male ? (check) Priveleged ? (check) Wearing suits ? (double check) which obviously means that these men credible. These men aren’t the only people that have conducted research/experiments on this, there’s been 100s of studies done to test the effects of music on our taste buds. A resturant named House of WOlf in London conducted an experiment called (you gussed it) the “House of Wolf Experiment”. There were cute little old school telephones placed on table booths of volunteers. Each volunteer had to press a different number on the dial to indicate whether the food that they were eating tasted sweet, bitter, or savory when intorduced to certain musical stimuli. and…. Bulls-eye ! we have a winner! WHen experimenters introduced volunteers to high pitched sounds, their food tasted sweet. When introduced to low pitched sounds they indicated that their food tasted bitter and/or savory. So here’s my suggestion for all of you, stay woke and listen to Norway by Beach House super loud while eating a salad.
Sincerely,
Ivory-Maye
ps. your salad will most likely taste bitter, and will appear crunchier than it actually is
Satire by Ivory-Maye 4/15
Welcome to this weeks savory satire, where I (Ivory-Maye btw, nice to meet you) will dismantle all the unfair, racist, weird, and cool things that happen in our society. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the bad jokes, puns, and sarcasm.
Greetings Earthlings:
Did you know that life is long, but also very short? And “life as we know it” is about as fair as the amount of money that Dick Cheney made off of the Iraq war (damn you, Cheney)? You see, I was eating a bowl of strawberries last week, and was thinking deeply about shallow things (andre 3000 saying btw) and truly realized that life reaps what you sow. Yes that is a very ancient statement,It’s almost as old as the atoms that we’re composed of. And yet this holds true in todays fast paced 1984 Orwell-esque society. It’s easy to get caught up in lifes anomalies, but one way to ease the confusion is to cash out on a nice dinner with people that you actually like. Sip some wine(only if you’re 21 of course) and eat fancy cheese. Slip the cute waiter your number while your at it. No seriously, you should, better yet add some cool hip music with warm liquid sounds, and heavy bass. Not only should you listen to music while eating, because it makes it 10x more fun, but because music enhances & alters the way that we taste our food. I know it’s crazy, and you probably don’t believe me in particular. But,there was a study done by some educated white men in suits from Oxford University. Now now many of you may still not believe me, but I mean c’mon they are : White ? (check) Male ? (check) Priveleged ? (check) Wearing suits ? (double check) which obviously means that these men credible. These men aren’t the only people that have conducted research/experiments on this, there’s been 100s of studies done to test the effects of music on our taste buds. A resturant named House of WOlf in London conducted an experiment called (you gussed it) the “House of Wolf Experiment”. There were cute little old school telephones placed on table booths of volunteers. Each volunteer had to press a different number on the dial to indicate whether the food that they were eating tasted sweet, bitter, or savory when intorduced to certain musical stimuli. and…. Bulls-eye ! we have a winner! WHen experimenters introduced volunteers to high pitched sounds, their food tasted sweet. When introduced to low pitched sounds they indicated that their food tasted bitter and/or savory. So here’s my suggestion for all of you, stay woke and listen to Norway by Beach House super loud while eating a salad.
Sincerely,
Ivory-Maye
ps. your salad will most likely taste bitter, and will appear crunchier than it actually is
